Casino Night Puns

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Viva Las Vegas! It's the entertainment capital of the world, with shows, music, gambling, and much much more. Whether you're there to gamble, to catch a show, or just to see the sights, Vegas is a great place to make some memories (even if they have to stay in Vegas!) and that means taking some great pictures and videos for your Instagram feed. But once you have those pictures, you're going to need some snappy, catchy, or just plain literary quotes for your captions. That's what we're here for, so let's get started!

Love for Las Vegas

Since 1993, you've made ComputerGear® com your fun source for geek NASA science tech engineering math STEM T-shirts gifts for him with fast shipping, quality funny T-shirts and gifts and USA customer service earning us many and customer kudos. That said, we do have a few pieces of game night-specific advice for you to keep in mind when coming up with your wording. Get people excited about the game(s). If you have a set lineup of games, list them on the invitation. Make your invitation tie into the games visually or through wordplay (terrible puns. Casino Night Puns, rasputin slot demo, texas holdem halloween costume, pop slots refund. Mobile Casino; Live Casino Games; Good Selection Of Slots-Slot Reviews Yggdrasil. Gamble Responsibly BeGambleAware.org. Liquor in the front, poker in the back! Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page. 1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that.

• 'Las Vegas looks the way you'd imagine heaven must look at night.' – Chuck Palahnuik
• 'Vegas is everything that's right with America.' – Drew Carey
• 'Man, I really like Vegas.' – Elvis Presley
• 'Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.' – Artie Lange
• 'Las Vegas is sort of how God would do it if he had money.' – Steve Wynn
• 'A little bit of this town goes a long way.' – Hunter S. Thompson
• 'Las Vegas is the savage heart of the American Dream.' –

• Vegas is the answer no matter the question.
• Keep calm and go to Vegas.
• Life is more fun with games.
• Vegas, here I come!
• City of lights, smiles, and memories.
• 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas … but that doesn't matter when you live there.' –
• Here I get a break from my own thoughts.
• Viva Las Vegas
• Shiniest place on Earth.

Oasis City

• 'Las Vegas: all the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.' – Jason Love
• An oasis of fun!
• Desert rose.
• The shiniest mirage.
• Figurative and literal oasis.
• 'The view from the window, particularly if you enjoy neon, is extraordinary.' –

Vegas Shenanigans

• 'What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone.' – Dane Cook
• 'There's just no quiet in Vegas.' – Barry Manilow
• 'Boy, you get greedy in Vegas.' – Louie Anderson
• 'Every time I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.' – Artie Lange
• What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
• 'Buy the ticket, take the ride.' – Hunter S. Thompson
• Alcohol you later!

• I would just like to apologize in advance for my behavior in Vegas.
• Goodbye reality. Hello Vegas!
• Meanwhile, in Vegas…
• 'The secret of Vegas is that money is boring. Hence all the bluster.' –
• The sky's the limit.
• 'Everyone was going to lose their money at some point. You may as well do so half drunk and at the mercy of a pretty smile.' –
• Sun City

Lady Luck

• 'Luck is believing you're lucky.' – Tennessee Williams
• 'Luck be a lady tonight.' – Frank Loesser
• 0% Luck – 100% Hustle
• May good luck be your friend.
• My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, then people would stop dying.
• I make my own luck.
• 'If I lost all, at least I would have played for it. It had always been my philosophy that one must play, or be a loser two-fold.' –
• The night is on my side.
• You don't need luck when you've got these skills.
• 'Everything's a gamble, love most of all.' –

Gambling Galore

• 'May the flop be with you.' – Doyle Brunson
• 'If you can't beat them, bluff them.' – N.R. Kudelis
• Life is a gamble.
• Life is like a poker game; it's not what you're given – it's how you use it.
• 'I don't gamble, if you will concede that poker is a game of skill.' –
• Let the chips fall where they may!
• 'All life is a gamble and our lives are the dice we throw.' –
• Keep calm and play poker.
• 'The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.' –
• 'It's hard to walk away from a winning streak, even harder to leave the table when you're on a losing one.' –
• Never bet against the house.

• Going to Vegas and not gambling is like going to a restaurant and not eating.
• Because if you're not winning, then what are you doing?
• 'It is impossible to change your luck. But, you can always change the machine you are at!' –
• Go rich, come home richer.
• 'Life's a game and men the gamblers. They'll stake their whole pile on the one chance in a thousand. Take away that one chance, and – they won't play.' –
• Poker face.
• 'The greatest risk is not taking one.' –
• Snake eyes!
• 'Gambling isn't fun; winning is fun.' –

Vegas Flicks

• 'Why can't we remember anything that happened last night?' – The Hangover
• 'Why don't you give me half the money you were going to bet, we'll go out back, Ill kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day.' – Vegas Vacation
• 'You're either in or you're out. Right now.' – Ocean's Eleven
• 'I haven't seen so many side burns since West Side Story.' – Honeymoon in Vegas

Vegas in Literature

• 'Las Vegas suggests that the thirst for places, for cities and gardens and wilderness, is unslaked, that people will still seek out the experience of wandering about in the open air to examine the architecture, the spectacles, and the stuff for sale, will still hanker after surprises and strangers.' – Rebecca Solnit
• 'Everyone is a bender away from oblivion.' –
• 'I came to see that Las Vegas is not a freak but is, instead, deeply integrated with the rest of the country, and the world beyond. It is symptom, mirror, metaphor.' –
• 'One more cockeyed optimist thrown under the reality bus.' –
• 'I love Las Vegas because it's the one city less classy than Los Angeles.' –
• 'The people who say New York never sleeps must have never visited Las Vegas.' –

Gambling Quotes

• 'It's like gambling, somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where you're going to end up the next day. It could work out good, or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice.' — Jim Morrison
• 'I've never been to Vegas, but I've gambled all my life.' — Ryan Adams
• 'You must work and do good, not be lazy and gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.' — Anne Frank
• 'There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it's the risk, the gamble. In any event it's a thing I need.' — William Faulkner
• 'Life is a gamble, at terrible odds. If it were a bet you wouldn't take it.' — Tom Stoppard
• 'Love is a gamble and sometimes it hurts, but whether you win or lose being in love is a beautiful thing.' — M.J. Abraham
• 'If you know you're worth nothing, only a gamble with death can gratify your vanity.' — Don DeLillo
• 'I looked to the ceiling and told God, 'God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.' — Kristen Ashley
• 'Time is our gambling partner on the other side of the table and it holds all the cards of the deck in its hand, we have to guess the winning cards of life, our lives.' — José Saramago
• 'In my life, I've learned when to let shit go and when to fight. This, babe, what we got, I'll fight for.' — Kristen Ashley
• 'Maybe that's why adults drink, gamble, and do drugs – because they can't get naturally lit anymore. Maybe we lose that ability as we get older.' — Matthew Quick
• 'Women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.' — Gloria Steinem
• 'I generally find,' Clent murmured after a pause, ‘that it is best to treat borrowed time the same way as borrowed money. Spend it with panache, and try to be somewhere else when it runs out.' — Frances Hardinge
• 'Never kiss a girl whose brothers have knife scars.' — Robert Jordan
• 'What is life if not a gamble? — F.E. Higgins
• 'Whisky, gambling and Ferraris are better than housework.' — Françoise Sagan
• 'I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.' — W.C. Fields
• 'Life is gamble, It's harsh and painful most of the time, and it's not for the timid. Spoils go to the victor, not to the one who doesn't even show up for the battle.' — Acheron
• 'Gamble everything for love, if you're a true human being.' — Rumi
• 'Everything's a gamble, love most of all.' — Tess Gerritsen

Now get out on that strip, live a little, and up that social media game.

Want some more Instagram captions for your travels?

We've got captions for New York City!

We've got captions for Nashville!

We've got captions for Austin!

Of course we have captions for Disney World!

And yes, we've got captions for Washington, DC!

Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.

1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I'll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes

2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.

3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I'd do anything to win her back.

4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes

5) What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.

6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, 'What is going on? Why aren't you playing?' The blond girl replied, 'I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!'
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever

7) Why didn't the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.

8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money's on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes

9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.

10) What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes

11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.

Share these gambling jokes with your friends

12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.

13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published

14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.

15) 'I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'' 'Please check at the fantastic literature counter.'

16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

'Where the fuck have you been?' screamed my wife.

I said, 'I've been playing poker with some blokes.'

'Playing poker with some blokes?' she repeated. 'Well, you can pack your bags and go!'

'So can you,' I said. 'This isn't our house anymore.'

17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, 'Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks.'

The bartender said, 'That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first.'

The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. 'Where did you get all that money?' asked the bartender.

'I'm a professional gambler,' replied the man.

The bartender said, 'There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?'

'Well, I only bet on sure things,' said the guy.

'Like what?' asked the bartender.

'Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,' he said.

The bartender thought about it. 'Okay,' he said.

• 'May the flop be with you.' – Doyle Brunson
• 'If you can't beat them, bluff them.' – N.R. Kudelis
• Life is a gamble.
• Life is like a poker game; it's not what you're given – it's how you use it.
• 'I don't gamble, if you will concede that poker is a game of skill.' –
• Let the chips fall where they may!
• 'All life is a gamble and our lives are the dice we throw.' –
• Keep calm and play poker.
• 'The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.' –
• 'It's hard to walk away from a winning streak, even harder to leave the table when you're on a losing one.' –
• Never bet against the house.

• Going to Vegas and not gambling is like going to a restaurant and not eating.
• Because if you're not winning, then what are you doing?
• 'It is impossible to change your luck. But, you can always change the machine you are at!' –
• Go rich, come home richer.
• 'Life's a game and men the gamblers. They'll stake their whole pile on the one chance in a thousand. Take away that one chance, and – they won't play.' –
• Poker face.
• 'The greatest risk is not taking one.' –
• Snake eyes!
• 'Gambling isn't fun; winning is fun.' –

Vegas Flicks

• 'Why can't we remember anything that happened last night?' – The Hangover
• 'Why don't you give me half the money you were going to bet, we'll go out back, Ill kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day.' – Vegas Vacation
• 'You're either in or you're out. Right now.' – Ocean's Eleven
• 'I haven't seen so many side burns since West Side Story.' – Honeymoon in Vegas

Vegas in Literature

• 'Las Vegas suggests that the thirst for places, for cities and gardens and wilderness, is unslaked, that people will still seek out the experience of wandering about in the open air to examine the architecture, the spectacles, and the stuff for sale, will still hanker after surprises and strangers.' – Rebecca Solnit
• 'Everyone is a bender away from oblivion.' –
• 'I came to see that Las Vegas is not a freak but is, instead, deeply integrated with the rest of the country, and the world beyond. It is symptom, mirror, metaphor.' –
• 'One more cockeyed optimist thrown under the reality bus.' –
• 'I love Las Vegas because it's the one city less classy than Los Angeles.' –
• 'The people who say New York never sleeps must have never visited Las Vegas.' –

Gambling Quotes

• 'It's like gambling, somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where you're going to end up the next day. It could work out good, or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice.' — Jim Morrison
• 'I've never been to Vegas, but I've gambled all my life.' — Ryan Adams
• 'You must work and do good, not be lazy and gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.' — Anne Frank
• 'There is something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it's the risk, the gamble. In any event it's a thing I need.' — William Faulkner
• 'Life is a gamble, at terrible odds. If it were a bet you wouldn't take it.' — Tom Stoppard
• 'Love is a gamble and sometimes it hurts, but whether you win or lose being in love is a beautiful thing.' — M.J. Abraham
• 'If you know you're worth nothing, only a gamble with death can gratify your vanity.' — Don DeLillo
• 'I looked to the ceiling and told God, 'God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.' — Kristen Ashley
• 'Time is our gambling partner on the other side of the table and it holds all the cards of the deck in its hand, we have to guess the winning cards of life, our lives.' — José Saramago
• 'In my life, I've learned when to let shit go and when to fight. This, babe, what we got, I'll fight for.' — Kristen Ashley
• 'Maybe that's why adults drink, gamble, and do drugs – because they can't get naturally lit anymore. Maybe we lose that ability as we get older.' — Matthew Quick
• 'Women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.' — Gloria Steinem
• 'I generally find,' Clent murmured after a pause, ‘that it is best to treat borrowed time the same way as borrowed money. Spend it with panache, and try to be somewhere else when it runs out.' — Frances Hardinge
• 'Never kiss a girl whose brothers have knife scars.' — Robert Jordan
• 'What is life if not a gamble? — F.E. Higgins
• 'Whisky, gambling and Ferraris are better than housework.' — Françoise Sagan
• 'I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.' — W.C. Fields
• 'Life is gamble, It's harsh and painful most of the time, and it's not for the timid. Spoils go to the victor, not to the one who doesn't even show up for the battle.' — Acheron
• 'Gamble everything for love, if you're a true human being.' — Rumi
• 'Everything's a gamble, love most of all.' — Tess Gerritsen

Now get out on that strip, live a little, and up that social media game.

Want some more Instagram captions for your travels?

We've got captions for New York City!

We've got captions for Nashville!

We've got captions for Austin!

Of course we have captions for Disney World!

And yes, we've got captions for Washington, DC!

Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.

1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I'll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes

2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.

3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I'd do anything to win her back.

4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes

5) What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.

6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, 'What is going on? Why aren't you playing?' The blond girl replied, 'I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!'
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever

7) Why didn't the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.

8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money's on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes

9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.

10) What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes

11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.

Share these gambling jokes with your friends

12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.

13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published

14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.

15) 'I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'' 'Please check at the fantastic literature counter.'

16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.

'Where the fuck have you been?' screamed my wife.

I said, 'I've been playing poker with some blokes.'

'Playing poker with some blokes?' she repeated. 'Well, you can pack your bags and go!'

'So can you,' I said. 'This isn't our house anymore.'

17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, 'Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks.'

The bartender said, 'That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first.'

The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. 'Where did you get all that money?' asked the bartender.

'I'm a professional gambler,' replied the man.

The bartender said, 'There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?'

'Well, I only bet on sure things,' said the guy.

'Like what?' asked the bartender.

'Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,' he said.

The bartender thought about it. 'Okay,' he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. 'Aw, you screwed me,' said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

'I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,' said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, 'Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet.' So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

'Aw, you screwed me again!' protested the bartender.

'That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,' said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, 'Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.'

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. 'Okay, you're on,' he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, 'Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!'

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, 'That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!'
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes

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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com

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